Selfish

And here's yet another one from me, Deejae. I hope you enjoy it. It's actually relatively long, so please bear with it. [:<3

The music comes out of the speakers in loud thumps. The subwoofers are shaking with the impact of the sound, and her ears are now ringing. It’s almost painful, the way the vibrations are coursing through her body and creating a sensation deep in her stomach. Distracting herself with small conversations, she sways her hips left and right – occasionally moving forward and back – as her eyes scan the overflowing ballroom. People are talking, fighting for their voices to be heard over the music.

The rhythm of the music is quick, matching the beats of her heart. Small strands of hair are sticking to her forehead with sweat, and the long waves falling over her shoulders are beginning to stick to her damp neck. She laughs as one of her oldest friends points at her chest, adjusting her dress discreetly when she realizes her cleavage is fighting against the restraints of her black dress.

The deejay changes records, scratching the discs to disguise the switch, and a soft melody plays through the hall, echoing on the mirrored walls. She’s suddenly taken in by exhaustion, her chest heaving with every breath she takes. It has been over an hour and a half since she had arrived to the album release party, but the hosts were nowhere to be seen. Her expression changes from excitement to confusion, and the subtle shift in emotion is caught by one of the people around her.

“They’re talking to the press,” Katie tells her with a soft smile. Even in the low, flashing blue light, it is obvious that her disposition has changed. Silently excusing herself, she walks alone to the bar and orders a glass of wine. The bartender gives her a look, but is instantly charmed by her glistening skin and girlish smile. He hands her the drink and she replies with a simple nod. The cold refreshment rushes down her throat hurriedly and she closes her eyes at the feeling.

“Oh, hey! The boys are here!” She finally opens her eyes, realizing for the first time that she has turned her back on the party and is facing the wall. Turning, the cool air brushing against her heated skin as she does so, she sees the three reasons that she’s even here in the first place. Everyone is cheering for them: “Boys, we’re so proud of you!” “It feels like you just released your first album last year, doesn’t it?!” “Speech! Speech! Speech!”

It’s the eleventh day of August in the year two-thousand and nine. She smiles, tears welling in her eyes as she remembers that this is the party in celebration of their fourth album’s release. She had been there since the beginning, even during times when every record label was turning away from them. She had been one of the first calls with the news that Hollywood Records had picked them up. She is here.

Time seems to pass by much quicker than before as she listens to their short, short speeches. Nick looks like he’s about to cry, obviously a change as opposed to his usual lack of expression. He gives a short speech showing his gratitude to his family, God, their managers, and everyone else who had supported them to this point – she swears that she hears a small crack in his voice as he says his last thank you.

Joseph speaks and it seems like her world has just paused. The bravado of his voice comes through the speakers and her knees tremble, the strength in her legs failing her as he tells a joke that she was too distracted to hear. People roar in laughter and he puts his hand up, hushing them before giving a sincere, “Thank you for everything that everyone here has done. Each person in here has helped us these past four or five years. We honestly couldn’t be here if not for the grace of God and the help of you amazing people. T-Thank you.”

His voice is shaking and it’s at this point that she notices the tears stinging her cheeks. Her smile breaks through the tears, but she can’t control her sobs. Luckily enough for her, everyone else’s feet are shuffling around and heels are clicking so loudly against the dance floor, the noises disguise hers.

She finds herself closer to Joe than to the other boys in the Jonas family. Years ago, she thought that their relationship would have caused a hindrance in their connection to each other. They were both no younger than fifteen when they had started dating, and no older than sixteen when they decided to end their relationship. It was a mutual decision, but it still hurt the same as any other breakup. But now nineteen years old, they found comfort in each other. They found solace in each other. It wasn’t until two years after their relationship had ended, the night of her eighteenth birthday that they found perfect lovers in each other.

Their first time had been magical and complete. He wasn’t rough with her, but his small lack of placidity sent her nerves into somewhere distant; a place where complete and utter pleasure filled her every core. His hips moved rhythmically with the soft ballad playing in the background. She had been afraid after hearing so many horror stories from her good friends; stories of the pain that accompanied a woman’s first time, the empty feeling that resulted in an equally empty relationship, and the way a relationship was never the same after having sex.

She didn’t think of it that way, though. It was perfect; oh, so perfect. Standing here in this moment, thinking of their first time, she smiles. He’s still talking – slowly, just like he always does when he wants people to really hear him – and she’s hugging herself, swaying side to side as she half-listens and half-daydreams.

She remembers the way his damp skin electrified her own when they touched; the way his fingers moved over her swollen, inviting clit; the way the guttural moan escaped his throat; the way his hips thrashed against hers over, and over, and over again. She memorizes every dip in his muscles. She knows by heart every curve of his body. And what she thinks is the best piece of knowledge, she knows every sensitive patch of skin that, when kissed – or touched, or licked – makes him growl in absolute bliss. She bites her lip remembering, her skin flushing as her fingers involuntarily brush over the exposed skin on her arms. Her eyes are closed, her knees buckling, her inner thighs becoming slippery—

“Hi, everybody!” someone’s voice cheerily exclaims into the microphone. Her eyes open hastily, her arms straightening at her sides as she clears her throat. The heat of her skin cools as her blood runs cold, her breath leaving her; she sees Kevin taking center stage, laughing heartily after Joe whispers something to him.

As long as she’s known him, there has always been an awkward, noticeable tension between her and Kevin. She never knew where it came from, but all she knows right now is that whenever Kevin is in the room, her chest tightens and every muscle in her body seems to go stiff.

“I think my brothers have basically said everything I wanted to say. You’ve all been such huge, huge blessings to us; you’re all so amazing and I think simply saying ‘thank you’ isn’t enough. But… too bad that’s all I can say!” he laughs, everyone joining in the jolly mood. He says a few more words, but she was lost after the word blessings. She sighed as she applauded for them, watching with a smile as they stepped off of the stage.

More dancing ensued, but she soon finds herself wandering the ballroom alone, smiling at everyone she passes. Her heels click against the floor and she sighs when she reaches the thinly carpeted area of the massive room. Slowly walking between chairs and tables, she reaches the end of the room and looks back. Everyone looks absolutely ecstatic, and she can’t help but smile. It’s an overwhelming feeling, the pride she has for her friends and the anticipation she has of their future.

Her feet start throbbing in pain, almost calling out to her for some kind of alleviation. She winces as she starts to walk again, looking around before stepping out of the offending shoes. Her eyelids grow heavy as she lets out a sigh of relief, stretching her back and walking out of the ballroom. Walking down the hallway, she steps in front of the elevator and presses the button. Waiting for it to come, she checks up and down the hall before reaching into her cleavage for her hotel key. She discreetly laughs to herself, remembering the call she got from Joe two weeks ago.

“Hey, hey, girlfriend!” Joe’s voice sings through her voicemail. “So, dig it: you, me… my brothers,” he coughs, quieting his voice when he says the last two words, “August eleventh, homegirl. Can you believe our fourth album is coming out in two weeks?! So here’s the deal: I reserved a room for you at the Ritz and you’re coming over to stay with us. The party’s in the hotel ballroom, so bring your hottest dress. I mean, eye candy, okay? Then maybe we can have a little party of our own?”

A bell sounds as the doors of the elevator separate. Her feet move an inch before she gasps when two hands weave around her waist. Two firm arms press into her ribs and a hand finds itself braiding through her hair. The fragrance surrounds her, swimming into her nostrils and she sucks in a lungful of air, basking in the smell of old spice and aftershave. Her eyes open, finally recognizing that these arms around her body don’t belong to Joe.

PART II:

Her feet start throbbing in pain, almost calling out to her for some kind of alleviation. She winces as she starts to walk again, looking around before stepping out of the offending shoes. Her eyelids grow heavy as she lets out a sigh of relief, stretching her back and walking out of the ballroom. Walking down the hallway, she steps in front of the elevator and presses the button. Waiting for it to come, she checks up and down the hall before reaching into her cleavage for her hotel key. She discreetly laughs to herself, remembering the call she got from Joe two weeks ago.

“Hey, hey, girlfriend!” Joe’s voice sings through her voicemail. “So, dig it: you, me… my brothers,” he coughs, quieting his voice when he says the last two words, “August eleventh, homegirl. Can you believe our fourth album is coming out in two weeks?! So here’s the deal: I reserved a room for you at the Ritz and you’re coming over to stay with us. The party’s in the hotel ballroom, so bring your hottest dress. I mean, eye candy, okay? Then maybe we can have a little party of our own?”

A bell sounds as the doors of the elevator separate. Her feet move an inch before she gasps when two hands weave around her waist. Two firm arms press into her ribs and a hand finds itself braiding through her hair. The fragrance surrounds her, swimming into her nostrils and she sucks in a lungful of air, basking in the smell of old spice and aftershave. Her eyes open, finally recognizing that these arms around her body don’t belong to Joe.

“I knew you’d realize it sooner or later,” the owner of the arms chuckles. “Until then, I would’ve let you keep thinking I was Joe.”

“K-Kevin?” she asks, her voice trembling. “What a—ohh…” She hisses as she grits her teeth, sucking in a sharp breath of air when he tugs her hair to the right and sucks on her pulse. His tongue draws circles on her skin and he pulls his mouth away from her, blowing cold air on the light hickey forming on her neck. Kevin laughs to himself, kissing her jaw line softly. “What?” she says.

“I’m surprised.”

“At what?”

“You haven’t told me to go away.” She ponders the idea, then finally realizes it; she understands what exactly that tension was between them: sexual tension. She wants to laugh, but decides against it, replacing the laugh with a smile.

“Maybe I don’t want you to go away.”

“Mmm,” he says, the bravado of his voice making his Adam’s apple vibrate against her neck as his lips trail lower and down to her breastbone. His chest is pressed against hers, the knot in his tie pressing into her spine. Their breaths are surprisingly in sync and as if she can’t control her own movements, her hands reach behind her and fist the fabric of his loose dress pants.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he says, a moan accompanying his words. “I bet you taste so good, huh? Mm, do you?” His words make her breath hitch in her throat and she whimpers when his hands cups her breast. She feels the texture of his warm hands as they coax her nipple into an embarrassing hardness. He feels this happening and smirks against her skin.“Kevin, th-there are cameras ev—oh, wow,” she exhales. “There are cameras everywhere.”

“Let’s take this upstairs then, hmm?” He leans forward and presses the button after noticing the doors had closed once again. She nods her head and holds up her hotel cardkey, pathetically waving it in the air like a flag of surrender. His hands rise to meet hers and he tightens his hold around her hand. She licks her lips, wanting to feel his against her own. Pushing her into the elevator, he stumbles over her and presses the correct button.

“Oh, sure,” he smiles at her shocked expression, “as if Joe could handle making reservations on his own. Of course he had to enlist my help, so I ended up reserving your room,” he says, explaining exactly how he knows which floor her room is on.

His hair is tidily combed back, sans hair product much to her happiness. She bites her lip and leans against the mirrored wall of the elevator, the inconveniently placed bar pressing painfully into her lower back. Reaching forward, her hands grasp Kevin’s collar before pulling him to her. His watch makes a loud sound as it hits the bar, his hands pressing into the wall when she crashes his body against hers. His hips accidentally brush hers, making her moan when his erection comes into contact with her thigh.

“For me?” she says, her hand sliding between the bodies and palming his excitement.

“Oh shit,” he breathes, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Maneuvering her tongue around his bitten lip, she pulls it into her mouth and sucks harshly. It begins to swell as she does this, his thin lips fighting to gain dominance over hers.

They reach her floor and the doors open, an elderly couple waiting patiently on the other side. Kevin smiles at them and nods his head before taking her hand and pulling her to her room. The couple gives them a knowing look, and they laugh. The keycard twirls between her fingers before slipping into the electronic lock. The green light blinks three times and she lets out a breath before opening the door. She nearly falls over her suitcases when she steps into the room, blushing when she remembers she had no time to tidy up before the party.

“I don’t think you know how beautiful you are in that dress,” Kevin says, holding her arms out and giving her a onceover. “But, baby girl, I’m sure you’d be even more beautiful out of it.”

She laughs a hearty laugh knowing that coming from anyone else, it would have been pathetic. But for some reason, from Kevin it’s undoubtedly romantic. His hand slips down to her lower back and his other intertwines fingers with hers. Swaying to the beat of his heart, he hums a small tune and dances with her. Her head rests on his chest, his cheek on the top of her head, and they dance to the music of their own souls.

She feels so selfish, but so lucky at the same time. In the past ten minutes, she’s experienced sides of Kevin no one has ever been blessed enough to see. He’s been rough with her, but just. Now he’s being the helpless romantic he is, and she’s falling under his spell. Everyone mistakes his disposition to be overly flamboyant, but she knows that it’s just a cover for the raging animal beneath his softly freckled skin.

His fingers dig into her spine, pulling her closer. He whispers, “I want you to myself tonight. Just me, okay? Is that all right, my love?” He kisses her temple, not able to look her in the eye as he waits for his answer.

Cupping his cheeks with her palms, she pulls his face close to her and kisses his forehead, then his nose, then just the surface of his lips. “You can have me for as long as you’d like,” she says truthfully, her breath mixing with his as they stand there motionless for a few minutes.

For the first time tonight, their lips finally envelop each other in a passionate kiss. Neither of them are fighting for dominance, instead they are moving to the beat of two drums that are in sync; a rhythm that is known only to them. It is soft at first, both of them feeling like they’re treading dangerous waters. But as moments pass by, the heat builds and they find the kiss growing deeper and deeper. Her heart jumps when she feels the zipper of her dress being pulled down.

“Kevin,” she breathes, her lips moist and swollen when he pulls away and leaves a small kiss on her jaw. The undone zipper loosens the dress, making it fall into a puddle of fabric at her feet. Her plump breasts bounce in her poorly supported bra, the absence of her dress making the bra almost useless. He looks her over again, wanting to memorize the way her body looks; the way her body is when no one else can see her.

Pursing his lips, he leaves a long line of wetness down her chest and between her breasts, kissing every inch of skin he can as he falls to his knees. His hands rest on the curve of her hips, his thumbs curving under the thin fabric of her panty’s waistband. His tongue drags across her hipbone as he pulls the lacy fabric down, and she moans when his teeth graze the peak of the bone.

He mumbles something against her skin and she laughs quietly, unable to understand what he’s saying. Her skin is warm, her breath caught in her throat, and her hands buried in his hair. Walking on his knees, Kevin pushes her over to the bed, leading her to sit on it. She feels the redness of her cheeks darkening as she realizes that she is sitting there in her completely naked form, nothing on her body except a thin diamond necklace, a small ring, and a matching bracelet.

“Gorgeous,” Kevin breathes, kneeling between her legs. He brushes her bangs out of her eyes, kissing her lips and letting it linger. She lets out a breath that she had been holding, resting her hands on Kevin’s shoulders.

“Are you sure you want this, Kevin?” she asks, her voice heartbreakingly quiet – she feels almost as if she’s taking advantage of him.

“I want you,” he says, her name escaping his mouth in a voice so angelic that it makes her sigh. “Of course I want this. But, do you?”

“I couldn’t imagine anyone better,” she tells him.

“E-Even Joe?” Kevin asks, his eyes drooping slightly. Her jaw drops and his hand touches her chin, making her mouth close. “There’s nothing going on between you, right?”

“Nothing at all, Kevin. We just… I felt comfortable with him, and I thought that my first time should be with someone I trust.”

“Do you trust me?” She thinks carefully about her answer before looking at him. It wasn’t until this moment that she realizes just how dim the light is in the room.

“I trust you, Kevin. Until now, I didn’t really understand just what this feeling was between us.” She shivers, the cold air hitting her now. “But now I know that I never realized what feelings I had for you.” A tear rests at her eyelid and before it can slide down her cheek, Kevin’s thumb stops it. He smiles at her, pulling her face towards his.

“You’re mine tonight,” he whispers, his lips catching hers before she can utter a statement. His tongue runs past her lips and she gladly takes it in, suctioning it. He emits a groan so loud, her mind swirls. She barely feels his hand brushing up her leg as he parts her thighs, allowing more room for him. His fingers dance on her bare stomach and she throws her head back when she feels his other hand on her inner thigh. He sits up higher, his knees starting to hurt against the rough fabric of his dress pants.

Resting back on her elbows, she yelps when Kevin’s tongue circles one of her erect nipples and pulls it into his mouth. Sucking on it with his soft tongue, his lips surround it gently and when he pulls away, a loud smack results. Her body is completely taken into his grasp and she doesn’t see when his fingers trail up to her core. She groans when two fingers enter her, her warmth accepting Kevin. He bites his bottom lip as he pulls them out of her, then back in.

“Baby, baby, you’re s-soaked,” he says, his voice erotic. His fingers probe around inside of her – curling, uncurling, curling, uncurling, again and again. He finds the spot that makes her tremble, his discovery evident through the way her back arches and a loud, loud moan escaping her lips. She’s on the edge, feeling the sensation in her belly as she comes close to her climax.

“Oh, no, baby. Not yet,” he smirks, pulling his fingers out of her. She lifts her head and looks at him, watching with shallow breaths as he takes his fingers into his mouth and sucks gently. “Mm, so good,” he moans. Still on his knees, he comes closer to her and loops his arms around her lower half, her legs over his shoulders.

“Kevin, wh—ohhh.” Her voice stops and her mouth opens as his tongue swirls around her swollen clit. Closing her lips around the small nub, he sucks as his fingers find their way back into her. Circling his fingers and licking her, sucking her, kissing her there, he basks in the scent of her. She’s so sweet, so sensual, so intoxicating. Her fingers claw at the bed sheets and he hears her nails against the fabric. He laughs.

“Fuck, oh God.” Her voice escapes her, his fingers, his mouth, and the vibrations of his laugh sending her nerves flying. Her hips start circling into his mouth, fighting against it as she rotates in the opposite direction of him. Kevin knows that her climax is close by the way her body moves.

“Come on, sweetheart. Come for me, baby girl, come on,” he coaxes. His tongue and mouth work around her sensitive spot once again, but this time he hums. The vibration of his mouth sends her just where she needs to be and she groans loudly, her head thrown back as she gets sent into her high. Every inch of her trembles as she rides out her orgasm, his tongue never stopping – nor do his fingers. It seems like hours until she comes down from her intense fit of pleasure, her descent accompanied by laughter.

“Kevin, you’re a-amazing,” she says, looking at him with weak eyes. She wants to laugh, seeing his face between her legs in such a vulnerable position. She then frowns. “You’ve been fully clothed all this time?” she exclaims. The corners of his mouth lift into a large smile, his head nodding; the curls on his head shake with the movement. “Stand up.”

He does as he’s told, smiling with his lip bitten when her legs wrap around his thighs. Pulling on his tie, she pulls herself up to a sitting position and undoes the tie.

“As deliciously gorgeous as you are right now, I think you’re a wee bit overdressed.” Pulling the tie out of its knot, she tosses it to the side. His popped collar stands just above his chin and she unbuttons his dress shirt, smiling at the collar. “You look so sexy, baby. You should wear stuff like this more often.” Slipping her hands onto his chest, she pushes the vest and shirt off of his arms, leaving him in a form-fitting tank. “Oh dear God, Kevin,” she hisses, biting her lip as her chest heaves up and down with her shallow breaths. “Your a-arms… your muscles… you…” She can’t take it anymore as she quickly pulls the shirt up and over his head, unzipping his pants and pulling them down with his boxers. Kicking them away with his shoes, Kevin looks down at her.

With her sitting on the bed and Kevin standing in front of her, his midsection is at her eyelevel. She’s surprised she didn’t unfold yet again at the sight of his throbbing member. She bites her lip as she holds her hand out and touches the tip of it, smirking when Kevin hisses. Kissing the tip of it, she licks her palm and holds him, stroking slowly as he lets out a moan. His head falls back, his mouth open and his eyes closed.

“Fuck,” he groans, bucking his hips into her hand and mouth. “It feels s-so good, baby girl.” When she lets go, he looks at her expectantly.

“I,” she starts, crawling backwards on the bed, “want… you…” Her voice is deep, desire lacing every syllable. She points at him and coaxes him over to her with her index finger, curling it towards her. He kneels on the bed, crawling so his body is hovering above her. Resting back on her elbows yet again, she waits until his face is millimeters from hers. “Kevin…” She traces his jaw line with her index finger. “I want you inside of me, moving around so I can feel you everywhere. Can you do that for me, babe?” Her tongue darts out of her mouth and glides along his bottom lip. She smirks when he swallows hard.

“I can do anything your heart desires, baby girl.” Her legs wrap around his waist and his throbbing member presses into her thigh. “Take me,” he whispers.

Wrapping her hand around him, she positions him at her entrance and pushes forward, groaning when his tip pushes into her. Biting his lip, he slowly presses on, pushing in until she’s buried to the hilt. He watches her changing expression, the pained look on her face almost unbearable.

“I-I’m fine,” she says, trying to convince both him and herself. “Just move and I’ll be fine.”

He nods, holding her hip with one hand. Pulling out of her and pushing back in, he whispers, “Oh, God”, when he feels her fully for the first time. His hips move to a rhythm unknown to him, painfully slow and countering the rapid beating of his heart in his chest.

“Kevin, you feel so good,” she says, her voice coming out in a pleasurable moan. “Please, please move faster.”

His hips move faster, his skin hitting hers and making a small smacking noise. He looks down, watching himself disappear inside of her, come out, and disappear all over again; it’s like their own little game. Rotating his hips, he grins when she lets out a loud growl of, “Yes! Ohhh yes! Right there, Kevin, r-right there. Oh God, yes.”

She feels him hit her spot repeatedly, his cock sliding easily against her tight walls. Her muscles spasm over him, his nerves on fire. She can’t remember ever feeling like this and she’s enjoying it to no end. His breathing and ragged moans escape his mouth, his throat, like a sweet, sweet song.

“I’m so close, baby,” he says, almost regretting it.

“Me, too, Kevin. Me, too. Don’t worry. Just, mmm, keep moving.”

He does just as she asks, every movement he makes resulting in a loud moan, a wild groan, and bucks of her hips. It’s not long before her walls come crashing down, her arms flailing above her head searching for something to scratch it. Her hands find his back and her nails scratch down his shoulder blades, his hips, his ass – every piece of skin that she can get her hold on.

Her piercing touch electrifies Kevin and he’s sent over the edge and back again. Spilling everything that he can into her, he rides out his orgasm by pulling in, out, in, out, over and over again. He grinds his teeth, growling her name into her ear as he comes wildly. Finally crawling off of her, he tries to catch his breath, his throat dry and sore – much like other parts of his body. She cold air hits their damp skin, making them shiver.

“Holy…”

“Oh, my God, Kevin. You are so—”

“You’re better,” he interrupts her. Smiling, he lifts her up deeper into the bed and tucks the both of them into the sheets. Resting his head on the pillow, he loosely wraps an arm around her neck and breathes in the scent of her shampoo when she rests her head on his bare chest. Playing with the soft hairs on the planes of his chest, she kisses the valley between his pectoral muscles.

“We have to go back downstairs sooner or later. That party is, after all, in celebration of you and your brothers’ success.” She speaks against his skin, the warmth of her lips making him flinch.

“I think I’d rather stay here,” he says, yawning. He reaches down to the floor and pulls his phone out of his pocket, setting the alarm for twenty minutes later. “For now, let’s nap.”

Sitting up and hovering her face over his, she smiles and leans in, kissing him deeply. Her ears fill with the sound of his moans and she pulls away. He whimpers at the loss of contact, but looks at her with a look of love in his eyes.

“And now,” she yawns, too, “we can nap.”

They do just that.